“Watchful on the Banks, Brave in the Breezes”
Where land meets water—whether lake, river, or spring-fed trough—there stands the Eyehasseen Royal Coast Guard, a resolute corps of watchful mariners, shoreline signalers, and admirably alert tea-drinkers.
Founded in Year 688, during the Great Reed Blockage of Tallowmere Inlet, the Coast Guard was tasked with keeping Eyehasseen’s waterways safe, its borders observed, and its paddleboat queues orderly.
🏞️ Duties and Responsibilities
The Coast Guard’s responsibilities are as broad as the kingdom’s streams are meandering:
- Monitoring and patrolling the banks of Lake Saint Aurelia, the River Bramble, and tributaries of note
- Assisting vessels in mild distress, such as misplaced oars, undisciplined sails, or swan interference
- Maintaining navigational buoys, public docks, and the Floating Notice Board
- Conducting inspections of recreational vessels for safety, decorum, and flag quality
- Responding to ceremonial emergencies, including bunting overextension and map submersion
🧭 Divisions and Ranks
The Coast Guard consists of the following units:
- The Waterway Patrol Corps – Responsible for daily circuit rowing, rescue drills, and spirited wave returns
- The Lighthouse and Lamplighters Division – Overseers of Eyehasseen’s few but fiercely important beacons
- The Ceremonial Oar Guard – Special unit trained in synchronized rowing, bow salutes, and the proper folding of damp flags
All ranks are honorary until confirmed by a senior marmot observer or successful tea-balancing drill.
⚙️ Tools and Traditions
Each Coast Guardsman is issued:
- One whistle (silver, engraved)
- One flat cap (sturdy, duckproof)
- One logbook (bound, waterproofish)
- One oath scroll signed in indigo ink (reissued annually)
Traditions include:
- The Annual Signal Flag Unfurling
- The Toast to the Still Waters (with mild cider)
- The Gentle Horn Call at Dawn, permitted even on feast days
🌬️ Membership
To join, applicants must:
- Swim across the King’s Reflecting Pool without complaint
- Identify five types of wind (naming them is optional)
- Speak with calm urgency and maintain excellent sock discipline
The Coast Guard is the first to arrive and the last to row home—though never hurried, and always respectful of shoreline flora.
“Let all shores be guarded, and all waves saluted in passing.”