Ministry of the Exterior | Division of International Commerce
“Let all things be weighed—in mass, in meaning, and in mushrooms.”
📘 Overview
The Bureau of Weights, Measures & Symbolic Equivalents (BWMSE) is the Kingdom’s official authority on standardization, calibration, equivalency, and metaphysical measurement. Operating under the Division of International Commerce, the Bureau ensures that all trade, barter, ceremonial offerings, and inter-realm exchanges are grounded in shared units—both rational and… interpretive.
Founded in 1958, after a diplomatic dispute over the size of a “generous scoop,” the Bureau now upholds the Integrity of the Scale across Eyehasseen’s markets, borders, scrollhouses, and festival grounds.
The Bureau works closely with customs officers, merchants, scribes, cooks, and wandering alchemists to guarantee fairness, transparency, and proper spoon size.
📏 What We Standardize
📦 Physical Measures
- Lengths: the Royal Rod, the Minor Span, and the Threefold Furling
- Weights: One Crownweight, Half-Stone, Tokenmass, and the elusive Featherstone
- Volumes: Goblets, Casks, and Official Royal Handfuls
🔮 Symbolic Equivalents
- Emotional trade values (e.g. “1 heartfelt poem = 3 ribbons or 1 small tart”)
- Ceremonial density (used in pricing sacred or enchanted goods)
- Intrinsic glow factor (classified by the Candle-to-Crescence Ratio™)
🪙 Barter & Trade Conversions
- Ratio charts for equivalence between Eyehasseen Royal Marks and symbolic currencies, such as:
- The Copper Grin of Slabovia
- Twilight Shells of the Windcliffs
- The regrettable Whimcoin, discontinued after proving too unpredictable
🏛️ Duties of the Bureau
- Calibrate all official trade scales, bartering tables, and traveling merchant crates
- Maintain the Master Archive of Comparative Containers (e.g. “Is your bucket truly standard?”)
- Inspect public fountains and toll stones for weight accuracy
- Advise diplomatic missions on the Symbolic Parity of Gifts during official visits
📚 Educational Outreach
- Distribution of The Illustrated Guide to Trade Units of the Realm
- Certification program for Licensed Weighsayers and Exchange Stewards
- Public workshops:
- “From Pebbles to Parcels: How to Count Like a Minister”
- “Is That Really a Spoon?”
- “Emotion, Mass, and the Art of Symbolic Value”
👤 Key Personnel
Grand Measurer-General of the Realm
Professor (Emeritus) Whindle Brightfare
- Known for introducing the Subjective Density Clause into multilateral weight agreements
- Inventor of the Calibrated Teaspoon, now standard in all court kitchens
Deputy for Non-Physical Equivalents
Mistress Dula Ninefold
- Interprets barter poetry and symbolic exchanges
- Keeps the Book of Soft Trade Rates, updated by moonlight
Inspector of Traveling Markets
Sir Emmet Chalk
- Travels with a pouch of counterweights and a glare that registers exactly 4.3 Sterns
📬 Contact the Bureau
Bureau of Weights, Measures & Symbolic Equivalents
Tall Ledger Hall, Commerce District
📧 weights@eyehasseen.gov.realm
📞 +EHS-34-2025-FAIR
Scales requiring inspection may be delivered by cart, courier, or truth-teller. Any container labeled “approximately standard” will be fined gently.