“Order in Thought. Grace in Rule. Tea at 3.”
📜 Historical Overview
The Office of the Prime Minister was established in the Year of Harmonious Quills (MCMXLVII) following the First Provisional Disputation of Ministerial Competence. At the time, the Kingdom was navigating a transition from absolute monarchy to consultative whimsy, and it was deemed necessary to appoint a high steward of statecraft to coordinate ministries, whisper royal suggestions into actionable policies, and ensure that no scroll went unsealed.
Since its founding, the Office has guided the Realm through twelve economic reckonings, five diplomatic entanglements, three cultural renaissances, and one regrettable mascot redesign. It was the Prime Minister’s office that orchestrated the Peace Accord of the Crumpled Scroll, brokered the Alliance of Marginalia with Westarctica, and instituted the Standardized National Nap Interval (SN²I), which remains universally ignored and fiercely defended.
👑 Current Officeholder
Rt. Hon. Theophilus Quentus Bramblewine, O.G.E.
Grand Steward of the Realm, Custodian of Parliamentary Teas, and Sovereign’s Whisperer
- Former archivist, theologian, and accidental poet laureate
- Appointed by His Majesty following the 2021 Tea Summit
- Famous for debating logic with ravens and legislating exclusively in cursive
- Once delivered a 45-minute parliamentary address composed entirely in chiasmus
Bramblewine serves as the central axis of Eyehasseen’s executive functionality, overseeing the daily operations of all ministries while maintaining equilibrium between the mystical and the mundane.
📋 Responsibilities of the Office
The Office of the Prime Minister serves as the spinal parchment of national governance, responsible for:
- Convening and moderating meetings of the Council of Ministers
- Drafting, revising, and enacting royal decrees and public policy scrolls
- Ensuring inter-ministerial cooperation (often requiring riddles, bribery by biscuit, or poetry duels)
- Overseeing special commissions and royal inquiries
- Representing the Sovereign in all temporal matters
- Coordinating diplomatic receptions and diplomatic misunderstandings
- Approving the annual Festival of Administrative Curiosities
🧑💼 Notable Positions within the Office
While Bramblewine himself bears much of the constitutional and ceremonial burden, the Prime Minister is assisted by an elite (and occasionally mysterious) cadre of junior officials and scribal aides:
📨 Undersecretary of the Dispatch and Dignified Reply
Lady Cordelia Vexley-Tarne, M.P.S.
- Ensures that every letter addressed to the Office receives a response, whether by quill, pigeon, or prophetic dream
- Known to reply to spam with limericks
📐 Chief Harmonizer of Policy & Parchment
Sir Hildebrand N. Foldsworth
- Formats every royal decree into aesthetically pleasing blocks of text
- Expert in inter-ministerial footnote diplomacy
- Invented the phrase “fiscally evocative but spiritually aligned”
🕯️ Principal Keeper of the Council Teapot
Marmaduke Figg, Esq.
- Not a civil servant, but rather a living institution
- Maintains the sacred kettle and selects teas for all policy sessions
- His gaze alone has ended two bureaucratic feuds
🦉 Official Recorder of Wisely Ignored Suggestions
Miss Glyceria Wisp, B.A. (Ephemera)
- Keeps a record of every outlandish, impractical, or accidentally brilliant idea voiced during Council sessions
- Compiles the annual Book of Footnotes to Governance
🗂️ Recent Initiatives
- Codification of Ministry Sigils for ceremonial robes
- Founding of the Office of Civic Dream Collection
- Implementation of Bilingual Forms (English & Latin-ish)
- Memo of Clarified Silence, to promote thoughtful stillness during meetings
📬 Contact the Office
Inquiries may be made through:
- Formal petition scroll
- Wax-sealed envelope addressed to:
“The Office of the Prime Minister, Cabinet Hill, Eyehasseen” - Digital missive to: primeminister@eyehasseen.gov
Response time may vary depending on the alignment of moons and the availability of lemon biscuits.