Ministry of the Exterior | Kingdom of Eyehasseen
“We do not merely guard lines—we preserve the meaning of crossing them.”
📘 Overview
The Border Guards of the Realm are the sworn protectors of Eyehasseen’s territorial integrity, symbolic thresholds, and migratory mystery lanes. Reporting to the Ministry of the Exterior, the Border Guards are entrusted with maintaining the security, sanctity, and ceremonial structure of the Kingdom’s periphery—whether clearly marked, gently implied, or dimensionally uncertain.
Established by royal decree in 1964, after the infamous Boundary Wobble of the Southern Glade, the Corps has grown into a disciplined and respected institution known for its discretion, uniform excellence, and impressive ability to remain completely still during complicated political moments.
They serve not as isolationists, but as ceremonial stewards of entry, exit, encounter, and exchange.
🧭 Core Duties & Responsibilities
- Guarding all formal entrances and informal woodland crossings into the Kingdom
- Issuing symbolic entry and exit scrolls for foreign dignitaries, wandering monks, and confused mailmen
- Patrolling and maintaining perimeter stones, hedgerow markers, and enchanted border posts
- Intercepting unapproved movement of relics, scrolls, livestock, or obviously sentient luggage
- Coordinating with the Ministry of the Interior to resolve “internal border irregularities” (e.g., The Field That Moved Itself)
They also participate in welcome ceremonies, conduct cross-realm identity verifications, and offer travel biscuits where appropriate.
🏰 Strategic Posts & Outposts
- Gate of Southern Accord – Primary ceremonial entrance for foreign delegations
- The Eastwatch Arbor – Half-post, half-gazebo, staffed by a very watchful goat
- The Vale of Crossing – Location of the Annual Banner Unfurling
- The Mist-Gate of Highmoor – Border to the Imaginary States, marked but rarely passed
👤 Leadership
High Marshal of the Perimeter
Commander Aglavain Trund, O.E.B.
- Former captain of the Royal Couriers and noted expert in invisible ink diplomacy
- Known for his ability to sense border violations by instinct (and back pain)
- Wears five keys and three medals, all real
Mistress of Ceremonial Entry & Clearance
Lady Brella of Spindlehook
- Oversees passport scrolls, guest tokens, and Symbolic Entry Declarations
- Responsible for maintaining the Registry of Border Gestures and the Proper Way to Nod
Chief Cartographic Warden
Sir Tolliver Reed
- Ensures all boundaries match current field reports, seasonal illusions, and gravitational tendencies
- Famous for once mapping a hedge maze that wasn’t supposed to be there
🧾 Public Services
- Symbolic border crossing permits (required only if one intends to make a speech about it)
- Ceremonial welcome escorts for honored guests
- Discreet inquiries into who entered, when, and why their horse was glowing
- Public review of contested borders, property margins, and claims involving “very old maps”
🏆 Recent Accomplishments
- Peaceful resolution of the Drift Path Dispute involving one confused farmer, three sheep, and a field that relocated overnight
- Restoration of the Stone Arch of Mutual Curiosity near the Northwest Ridge
- Launch of the “Know Your Border” education program, including scrolls, pamphlets, and small wooden models
- Opening of the new Twilight Gate, a symbolic border between the Known and the Slightly Suspect
🛂 Travel Notice
All visitors to the Kingdom must pass through an Official Entry Point, offer a statement of peaceful intention, and if applicable, declare any enchanted items, scrolls over five feet, or pastries exceeding diplomatic density limits.
Departure is permitted at any time, unless otherwise prophesied.
📬 Contact the Border Guards
Office of the High Perimeter
Ministry of the Exterior
📧 borderguards@eyehasseen.gov.realm
📞 +EHS-34-2025-ENTRY
Emergency contact via horn, bell, or owl permitted under recognized codes.