Ministry of the Exterior | Division of International Commerce
“If it sparkles, hums, moves on its own, or argues with the appraiser—report it here.”
📘 Overview
The Office of Economic Curios & Questionable Goods (OECQG) serves as Eyehasseen’s official inspection, arbitration, and preservation agency for unusual, enchanted, suspicious, or uncategorizable trade items. Operating under the Division of International Commerce, the Office evaluates goods that defy conventional classification, ensuring the Kingdom’s markets remain both wondrous and moderately safe.
Founded in 1967, following the Great Incident of the Disappearing Ledger (which later reappeared angry), the Office has since catalogued over 12,000 curios, conundrums, and conversation-starting items.
🧪 What Qualifies as a “Questionable Good”?
Any item that fits two or more of the following:
- Makes noise without visible mechanism
- Glows, floats, or produces warmth inconsistent with material composition
- Elicits emotional response disproportionate to trade value
- Cannot be easily described on a form with fewer than five adjectives
- Causes its container to sprout moss, teeth, or mild existential dread
🧾 Responsibilities
- Evaluate and catalog submitted curios for trade legality, symbolic value, and danger
- Maintain the Register of Disputed Trade Relics
- Issue Clearance Tags, Cautionary Ribbons, or Containment Seals as needed
- Liaise with the Gnuclear Regulatory Agency and the Bureau of Symbolic Equivalence for overlapping properties
- Operate the Curiosity Vault, a high-security chamber of humming, blinking, occasionally weeping trade goods
🔎 Sample Items on File
- The Grumbling Coin of Outer Rithmoor – may reverse luck when flipped
- Wool of Shifting Hue – no two viewers agree on its color or species
- Unnamed Box (Contains Sound of Regret) – tightly sealed; still under review
- Scroll That Corrects Spelling – useful, yet smug
👤 Office Personnel
Director of Trade Mysteries
Dr. Felbrin Latch, Ph.D. (Arcano-Economic Studies)
- Known for coining the phrase “Just because it sparkles doesn’t mean it’s negotiable”
- Carries a wand, but insists it’s for pointing only
Inspector of Ambiguous Inventory
Tilda Voxley
- Specializes in rapid object appraisal and hex detection
- Once confiscated an entire shipment of “haunted cufflinks”
Vault Steward of the Curiosity Chamber
Brother Nestin
- Former monk, now guardian of blinking objects
- Often wears gloves, even for paperwork
🧾 Submission Instructions
To submit a potentially questionable item for trade evaluation, include:
- A clear description (or best attempt)
- Circumstances of acquisition
- Declaration of intent to sell, display, or appease
- Personal reflections, if the item has influenced your dreams
You will receive a Provisional Clearance Slip or an Order of Immediate Return to Sender within seven days.
📬 Contact the Office
Office of Economic Curios & Questionable Goods
Vault Wing, Ministry of the Exterior
📧 curios@eyehasseen.gov.realm
📞 +EHS-34-2025-WHATISIT
Appointments strongly encouraged. Do not bring blinking items unwrapped.