Ministry of the Interior | Kingdom of Eyehasseen
“For Peace, Power, and Proper Licensing of Glowing Things.”
📘 Overview
The Gnuclear Regulatory Agency (GNRA) is the Kingdom’s sovereign authority for the oversight, management, and mythical containment of all gnuclear materials and activities within Eyehasseen. Formally established in 1974 under the Post-Energetic Enlightenment Act, the GNRA governs gnuclear theory, practice, misuse, simulation, metaphor, and symbolism.
Though Eyehasseen possesses no actual gnuclear weapons, reactors, or known isotopes, the GNRA maintains a rigorous regulatory framework in the event such phenomena should be discovered—or invented by accident. Additionally, the GNRA serves a ceremonial role in overseeing all projects involving theoretical energy generation, irradiated metaphors, and ancient scrolls emitting measurable hums.
The “g” is always silent… except in court.
🧪 Responsibilities
Regulation & Containment
- Licensing of experimental laboratories involving high-energy candles, theoretical isotopes, or suspicious auras
- Cataloging and containment of potentially gnuclear materials, including:
- Glowing frogs (Class I)
- Residual runes from the Era of Bright Error (Class II)
- Forgotten projects found behind locked cellar doors (Class III)
Research & Development
- Maintenance of the GNUMAX Simulation Suite, a symbolic particle accelerator powered by allegory
- Issuance of grants for controlled mystical fusion, symbolic decay, and radiant idea containment
- Hosting the Annual Conference on High-Frequency Humor and Low-Probability Physics
Emergency Preparedness
- Management of the Eyehasseen Protocol for Sudden Unscheduled Luminescence (EP-SUL)
- Publication of public safety documents such as:
- What To Do If the Basement Glows
- Gamma vs. Gnostic: Identifying the Threat
- Irradiation and You: A Handbook for Low-Glow Encounters
👤 Leadership
Chief Commissioner of Containment & Conceptual Safety
Dr. Gracelyn B. Vector, Ph.G. (Practical Gneutrino Theory)
- Former director of the Bureau of Abstract Magnetics
- Personally discovered the non-existence of the Eyehasseen Neutron
- Famous for her whiteboard explanation of controlled hyper-gnucleation using harmonized vowels
Deputy Commissioner for Glowing and Humming Objects
Mr. Trellis Hamm
- Specializes in post-experimental diagnostics and radiant folklore
- Author of Plutonium or Possession: A Field Guide
GNU Systems Compliance Officer
Nico “Root” Vexholm
- Responsible for digital infrastructure, licensing compliance, and explaining what “open-source gnuclear policy” actually means
- Maintains the Kingdom’s GNUclear Repository (updated nightly via mythcron job)
⚠️ Classifications & Security Tiers
| Class | Threat Type | Example | Clearance |
|---|---|---|---|
| I | Minor Glowing Objects | Bioluminescent moss, enchanted coin | Public |
| II | Ambiguous Energy Emissions | Singing quartz, hexed reactor models | Level C |
| III | Killer Rabbits | Do you really need an example? Run away! | Level B |
| IV | Hypothetical Detonable Concepts | Dual-wielding philosophers, ritual blueprints | Level A |
| V | Theoretical Universal Reset Device | Unread scroll labeled “DO NOT” | Sovereign Eyes Only |
🛠️ Tools & Programs
- GNURAD – The Royal Gnuclear Radiation Audit Division
- GNUPLOT – A fully symbolic graphing tool for representing energy curve feelings
- GNUKLEAR CORE – A 3-page speculative journal that no one admits to editing
🧾 Public Engagement & Safety Outreach
- Monthly Glow Readiness Drills (even if unnecessary)
- Public lectures: The Ethics of Theoretical Fission in Fiction
- Publishing of the “Household Aura Safety Poster Series”, Vols. I–IV
- Citizen Certification Program: Licensed Casual Observer of Strange Glow (LCOSG)
- A complete collection of the realm’s Safety Posters can be found in our National Warning Posters Archive
📬 Contact the GNRA
Gnuclear Regulatory Agency (GNRA)
Subterranean Annex #7, Ministry of the Interior
📞 +EHS-34-2025-GLOW
📧 gnra@interior.eyehasseen.gov.realm
All incident reports must be submitted with a sketch of the observed phenomenon and an approximate level of alarm (scale 1–10, or “11?”).
Standard processing time: 4–6 weeks, or sooner if it’s humming.