“Advancing Knowledge with Integrity (and the Occasional Explosion).”
The Scientific Inquiry Commission exists to foster, oversee, and safeguard the noble endeavor of scientific exploration across the Kingdom of Eyehasseen. From the caverns of subterranean fungi to the farthest stars visible from the Royal Observatory, the Commission ensures that all discoveries are soundly reasoned, rigorously tested, and properly footnoted.
The Commission operates independently of political influence and is formally forbidden from being impressed by dramatic lightning during experiments. It advises His Majesty on matters of science, discovery, and “those new things with wires that hum.”
🧪 Roles and Responsibilities
🧫 Research Oversight
Approves and monitors all public and academic research, from alchemy to zoology. Ensures experiments have both purpose and safety goggles.
📊 Peer Review & Publication
Maintains the Annals of Rational Curiosity, Eyehasseen’s official journal of scientific record. Papers are accepted only after peer review and a firm letter from the grammar subcommittee.
🌐 National Scientific Policy
Advises the Crown on how to implement new knowledge for the common good—without, ideally, unintended fires.
🧠 Education & Innovation
Partners with universities, inventors, and amateur astronomers to support learning, build new tools, and dissuade citizens from testing flight by rooftop.
👨🔬 Members of the Commission
- Dr. Elspeth Gildenroot, Chief Natural Philosopher
Specializes in moss, magnetism, and making science exciting with only a chalkboard. - Professor Emeritus Quentin Plim, Metaphysics & Measurement
Famous for disproving the spontaneous generation of mice in Parliament basements. - Sir Hendrick Plathorne, Engineer of Applied Speculation
Believes every scientific tool should also be beautiful. Carries a brass compass for show. - Lady Soraya Flint, Advisor on Ethical Tinkering
Reminds others, frequently, that just because it can be done doesn’t mean it should be patented.
📜 Selected Reports
- “The Chemical Stability of Jam Under Siege Conditions”
- “Progress on the Trolley That Doesn’t Require a Horse”
- “Disputes Concerning the Talking Frog Incident (Appendix A: The Frog Remains Silent)”
“Science is not the pursuit of certainty, but of better and better guesses dressed up in charts.”
— Dr. Gildenroot, to a roomful of skeptics