“Let None Go Hungry, Let No Hedge Be Undignified”
The Ministry of Agriculture & Garden Ethics stands at the noble crossroads of sustenance and stewardship. It is charged not only with cultivating the fertile lands of Eyehasseen but also with ensuring that all plantings—humble or heroic—are undertaken with propriety, precision, and preferably a straw hat.
Established formally in Year 642, after a particularly spirited debate about unauthorized bean vines, the Ministry oversees all matters green, root-bound, or involving compost and ceremony.
🧑🌾 Divisions of the Ministry
- The Office of Crop Regulation and Crop Celebration
Oversees sowing, reaping, and seasonal root parades. Maintains the National Beet Index and the Cabbage Sentiment Indicator. - The Department of Orchard Oversight
Catalogues and blesses all fruit-bearing trees. Issues sternly worded notes to unruly fig branches. - The Bureau of Garden Etiquette
Drafts and enforces the Principles of Proper Gardening, including:- Thou shalt not overprune thy neighbor’s hedge
- Thou shalt rotate thy carrots annually
- Thou shalt maintain a compost pile of quiet dignity
- The Office of Herbal Affairs
Archivists of mint, stewards of sage, defenders of the endangered ceremonial thyme.
🪴 Rural Traditions & Ceremonial Plantings
- The Annual Blessing of the Tools – Spades, trowels, and watering cans receive formal names and minor anointments.
- First Harvest Day – Celebrated with garlanded wheelbarrows and the highly anticipated Rootstew Stirring.
- The Day of Silent Sprouting – Observed with gentle raking and whispered encouragement to seedlings.
📜 Ethics of the Soil
The Ministry maintains that how one tends the earth reflects how one stewards the realm. Hence, all citizens are expected to:
- Show modesty in yield-boasting
- Label herbs in a legible but poetic manner
- Permit wildflowers their dignity in non-regal spaces
🥕 Education & Outreach
Weekly classes at the Horticultural Hall of Glenholm include:
- Composting for the Courteous
- Cabbage Psychology
- Advanced Whistling to Beans
- Garden Fencing (both kinds)
Visiting experts give public lectures in towns and hamlets, often rewarded with apple wine and polite applause.
The Ministry’s motto:
“From Soil, Simplicity. From Simplicity, Sustenance. From Sustenance, Celebration.”
Let the beds be turned, the borders be trimmed, and the radishes be reasonably spaced.