“Because Someone Has to Keep an Eye on the Neighbours.”
Though it operates in the shadows and rarely files anything alphabetically, the Bureau of Domestic Spying (BDS) is the Kingdom’s chief internal intelligence apparatus. Formally tasked with the observation, analysis, and gentle discouragement of subversive activity, the BDS ensures that threats to Eyehasseen from within are detected and neutralized with the kind of precision typically reserved for duels and pastry competitions.
Naturally, the Bureau insists it only watches those who might need watching. If one finds oneself being watched, it is assumed this is for a very good reason—or at the very least, a slightly worrying one.
🕵️♂️ Primary Functions
📌 Surveillance of Internal Threats
Monitors known dissidents, suspected whisperers, and individuals who refer to the monarchy using ironic tone. All surveillance is strictly professional and conducted with an appropriate monocle of detachment.
🗃️ Civilian Intelligence Files
Maintains a secure database of observations, reports, and very quiet conversations overheard in tea shops. Files are colour-coded: Green (Curious), Yellow (Concerning), Crimson (Best Not Discussed).
🧾 Interception and Interference
Intervenes when plots are uncovered, often by misplacing a shoe, rerouting a message, or inviting the individual to a surprise etiquette seminar.
🪑 Listening Posts & Domestic Observatories
Strategically placed throughout the Kingdom—often disguised as benches, newspaper kiosks, or small but aggressively cheerful flower stalls.
🧑💼 Key Personnel
- Director Elspeth Quarrel, Chief of Shadows
Wears sunglasses indoors and refers to “the incident in Havershire” without elaboration. - Mr. Roland Grig, Minister of Soundless Inquiry
Famously once discovered a conspiracy by watching someone butter toast suspiciously. - Ms. Ivy Bellam, Whisper Archivist
Hears everything. Everything.
🔍 Current Operations
- “Tea & Treason” – A civility-led investigation into radical biscuit clubs.
- “Bookshelf Watch” – Ongoing review of what citizens are reading. (Too many dystopias is often a flag.)
- “Keep Calm, But With Slightly More Surveillance” – A morale campaign reminding citizens they are seen, valued, and very quietly assessed.
“We do not pry. We simply observe. Intensely. From the shrubbery.”
— Director Quarrel