“Securing Our Future. Borrowing Theirs.”
The Technological Espionage Department (TED—not to be confused with the lecture series, though that was once infiltrated for research) safeguards the Kingdom of Eyehasseen’s scientific and technological edge by acquiring, analyzing, and occasionally “reappropriating” critical foreign advancements.
Whether by subtle infiltration, discreet tradecraft, or the occasional gadget that looks suspiciously like a brooch, TED ensures the Kingdom remains ahead—or at least parallel and well-informed.
If knowledge is power, then applied knowledge wrapped in copper wire and powered by discreet batteries is even better.
⚙️ Core Missions
📥 Acquisition of Foreign Tech
Deploys agents to retrieve technological secrets abroad, from blueprints and prototype schematics to that one suspiciously effective toothbrush the other nation insists is for civilians.
🧪 Reverse Engineering Division
Takes the acquired devices, studies their inner workings, and asks the critical question: “But why does it smell faintly of lavender?”
🧰 Sabotage & Delay Operations
Disrupts foreign tech efforts deemed threatening or unreasonably impressive. Most common tactic: replacing soldering irons with licorice.
🔐 Kingdom Innovation Safeguarding
Works closely with Eyehasseen inventors, artisans, and eccentric tinkerers to protect domestic breakthroughs from prying eyes. Many workshops now include moats.
👨🔧 Key Personnel
- Dr. Lionel Trask, Director of Technical Acquisitions
Once smuggled a prototype engine disguised as a pipe organ. - Miss Petra Glin, Mechanist-Analyst Extraordinaire
Disassembled a rival encryption box in four minutes. Reassembled it to play the national anthem. - Agent “Coil”, Electromagnetic Specialist
Can detect frequencies using only a fork and professional pessimism.
🔍 Projects of Notable Achievement
- “Operation Whisper Drive” – Acquired silent propulsion engine during a remarkably quiet heist.
- “Cable Swap Initiative” – Rendered foreign communications fuzzy by replacing all routers with toasters.
- “Codename: Borrowed Spark” – Currently ongoing. Details redacted. Everyone’s pretending not to know.
“We don’t steal. We acquire. With purpose. And gloves.”
— Dr. Trask, at the Annual Conference of Improbable Devices