“Lodgings, help, and other small acts of bureaucratic kindness.”
Whether you’ve arrived in Eyehasseen intentionally or merely wandered in on your way to somewhere less interesting, our Visitor Services division stands ready to assist. We pride ourselves on hospitality with a formal smile and only the most minor paperwork.
🏛️ Embassy of Foreign Curiosity
A haven for the confused, misdirected, or just “having a bit of a moment.” The Embassy offers:
- Maps, brochures, and knowing glances
- Cultural clarification services
- Assistance for passport stamp completists
- A Complaints Book with a short but poignant haiku section
Located just behind the Ministry of Redundancy and adjacent to the Monument to Indecision.
🛏️ Inns, Hostels, and Wayfarer Camps
From opulent manors with bell-pull service to bunkhouses where snoring is considered community art, Eyehasseen has it all.
- Gilded Finch Inn – Four-poster beds, breakfast on silver, and an optional reading of the morning gazette.
- The Soggy Cloak – Affordable, atmospheric, and conveniently located next to a surprisingly melodic waterfall.
- Wayfarer Commons – Bring your own blanket. Communal fire ring. Advice shared freely, sometimes accurately.
Wild camping is permitted in designated areas. Sheep not included (but frequently present).
🍲 Local Dining: A Taste of Eyehasseen
Expect fare that is hearty, handcrafted, and unafraid of root vegetables. Our top dishes include:
- Rootstew – Served in bowls, mugs, and—during festivals—ceremonial boots.
- Flatbread of the Four Orders – One edge per social class.
- Wyrm Sausage – No actual wyrms involved (any longer).
Pubs often feature local music, locally sourced gossip, and patrons who’ll swear they used to be knights.
🐴 Guided Tours and Carriage Services
Wander with purpose! Our accredited guides know just enough to keep things interesting and just little enough to keep you guessing.
- Historical Tours – Stories verified by at least two elders and a well-worn manuscript.
- Beast Corps Safaris – Gentle treks through the nearby glens, with high probability of marmot.
- Carriage Hire – Pulled by decorated Eyehasseen draft horses. Most know their routes. Some may test your mettle.
🧵 Gift Shops & Artisan Markets
No trip is complete without something to take home and forget about until your next garage tidy.
- Official Pinecone Seal items – Guaranteed handmade, or made to look as though.
- Ceramic wares – Many of which function as both cup and conversation starter.
- Knitted replicas – Everything from the Royal Bastion to local constables (with tiny helmets).
- Stamps, scrolls, and pocket maps of speculative cartography
Market days are posted in the public square and occasionally shouted from rooftops by enthusiastic bakers.
Questions?
The Embassy of Foreign Curiosity is always open (except Tuesdays before tea). Or flag down any steward in a sash—they’re trained not to flee.