“Non Scholae Sed Sapientiae Vivimus” – We Live Not for School, But for Wisdom
⚖️ I. The Rule of St. Leo’s (Code of Conduct)
Students of St. Leo the Great University are expected to conduct themselves in all things with dignity, truthfulness, decorum, and a passing familiarity with Latin.
Violations of decorum include (but are not limited to):
- Engaging in heated dialectic without offering your opponent a glass of water
- Whispering in the Refectory during silent breakfast
- Misquoting Aristotle
- Refusing to debate because “feelings”
- Using phrases like “lived experience” unironically in seminar
Punishments may include public retraction, extra lines of Boethius, or reciting the Nicene Creed backwards (in Latin, while wearing the dunce hat).
🧥 II. Dress Code
Clothing must be modest, noble, and properly fastened.
Acceptable:
- Robes, tunics, cloaks (with clasps)
- Neatly belted cassocks (black, white, or Eyehasseen Blue™)
- Blazers with elbow patches of real or imaginary leather
Unacceptable:
- Garments with slogans (unless in Latin)
- Distressed denim (we’re already suffering with Christ)
- Pajamas outside the dormitory, unless quoting Chrysostom at the same time
Feast Days require formal attire, including ceremonial medallions, house rings, and optional laurel wreaths.
⏰ III. Daily Schedule
| Time | Activity |
|---|---|
| 5:30 AM | Matins (optional, but mandatory) |
| 7:00 AM | Silent Breakfast (bring your Confessions and a clean conscience) |
| 8:00 AM – 12:00 PM | Seminars, disputations, and occasional monastic grumbling |
| 12:00 PM | Sext, followed by lunch |
| 1:00 – 5:00 PM | Library research, philosophical duels, or fencing |
| 6:00 PM | Vespers and dinner (one communal joke permitted) |
| 8:00 PM | Compline, followed by Quiet Hours |
| 10:00 PM | All students must retire to quarters, unless attending the Midnight Canticle of Sacred Longing |
🕊️ IV. Campus Etiquette
- All public disagreements must be resolved through Socratic Method or Gloved Duel
- Students shall bow respectfully to faculty, even if they are holding coffee
- Laughter is encouraged, provided it is not cynical, sarcastic, or about Descartes
- The Grove of Reason is a sacred space. No shouting, selfies, or enchantments allowed.
📚 V. Library Policies (The Athenaeum of Eyehasseen)
- Whispering only in Old Church Slavonic
- Scrolls must be returned rewound
- Any student who removes the Summa Theologiae without returning it within 14 days shall face the wrath of the Custodian of Lost Texts, a ghostly librarian who lives in the Index
✝️ VI. Chapel Etiquette
- No chewing gum, except penitentially
- Students are encouraged to chant, genuflect, and look as if they actually believe
- The Chapel of the Divine Logos is open 24 hours for prayer, weeping, composing theological limericks, or quiet existential dread
🛡️ VII. Defense Against Modern Errors
In accordance with the Charter of the Royal Academic Sanctum, all students shall undergo annual training in:
- Spotting vague appeals to “lived experience”
- Arguing against relativism using only Cicero and a small bronze bell
- Proper use of the phrase “with all due charity…” before devastating a peer’s argument
🧹 VIII. Dormitory Rules
- Silence after Compline
- Clean your study desk weekly (inspections may include white gloves and incense)
- No mystical summoning circles in shared spaces unless pre-approved by Residential Life
- Owls must be caged overnight and cleaned up after. You know what you did, Titus.
👑 IX. Disciplinary Sanctions
Infractions are referred to the Royal Tribunal of Student Integrity, consisting of one professor, one prefect, one Benedictine, and one large tome of Canon Law.
Possible sanctions:
- Writing a 10-page apology in verse
- Wearing the Cap of Unexamined Assumptions
- Delivering a speech on humility in front of the entire student body while balancing a candle
📜 X. Graduation Requirements (B.A.)
- 120 credit hours
- Senior Thesis + Oral Defense
- Latin Fluency
- Pilgrimage to the Shrine of Imaginary Saints
- Must have eaten at least one Feast of the Chair of St. Peter Roast Goose Dinner