“In wisdom, whimsy, and semi-sovereignty, we rule.”
The Governing Office Holders of the Kingdom of Eyehasseen represent a most august collection of stewards, scribes, ministers, and marshals, whose noble duty it is to preserve order, maintain tradition, and give structure to the affairs of the Realm. Each portrait upon these walls is more than paint and canvas—it is a testimony to the peculiar genius of Eyehasseen’s governance, where pomp is matched with wit, solemnity tempered with invention, and symbolism woven into the very fabric of public office.
The Grand Steward pours the tea with as much gravity as a general musters troops; the Minister of Domestic Matters ensures hedge boundaries are kept as trim as civic boundaries; the Chancellor of the Seals illuminates decrees in dusk-tinted ink. In such roles, both practical and delightfully ceremonial, lies the living character of Eyehasseen. These are not faceless bureaucrats nor shadowy functionaries. They are the embodiment of our collective imagination, each bearing titles at once whimsical and weighty—whether as Guardian of Verity, Keeper of Keys, or Curatrix of National Myth.
Every Ministry, from Economics to War, Clandestiny to Culture, reflects a facet of our national identity. It is a government that delights in eccentric precision, where census data may be recited as poetry, chess pawns may march as soldiers, and a sash boldly declares “Objective” as if truth itself had taken corporeal form. To peruse this gallery is to glimpse not only the mechanics of administration but the personality of a nation that insists governance must have soul, pageantry, and the occasional flourish of absurdity.
Here, one may learn the lineage of our institutions, honor the individuals who wear their regalia with pride, and appreciate the artistry with which Eyehasseen balances reverence and satire. Each office holder is painted in the grand tradition of royal portraiture, not merely to preserve their likeness, but to enshrine the humour and dignity they contribute to the Kingdom.
This directory, therefore, is not a mere register of names and titles, but a chronicle of Eyehasseen’s philosophy of rule: that even in governance, beauty and imagination have their rightful place.
🏛️ Office of the Prime Minister
Rt. Hon. Theophilus Quentus Bramblewine, OGE
Grand Steward of the Realm, Custodian of Parliamentary Teas
Former librarian turned reluctant monarch. Known for issuing decrees in perfect iambic pentameter.
🏰 Ministry of the Interior
Dame Eugenia Gladewhistle, Keeper of Keys and Hearths
Minister of Domestic Matters, Watcher of Hedge Boundaries
Manages infrastructure, topiary integrity, and all internal maps (including those only visible in moonlight).
🌐 Ministry of the Exterior
Ambassador General Cassius Fletchmoor, V.E.C.
Envoy Extraordinary to All Realms Both Recognized and Imaginary
Has never lost a diplomatic duel. Owns six velvet capes and one extremely persuasive monocle.
🧑🤝🧑 Ministry of the Populi
Baroness Philomena Vox-Peabright
Voice of the People, Recorder of Collective Dreams
Can recite census results from memory. Invented the phrase “Micronational morale is a matter of metrics.”
🏛️ Royal Chancery
Archscribe Benedict Archimandrake, K.S.P.
Chancellor of the Seals, Calligrapher of Decrees, Vicar of the Velvet Ribbon
All official documents are handwritten in illuminated script using ink distilled from dusk and thyme.
🎨 Ministry of Culture & History
Prof. Emerita Seraphina Lys Anthracite-Mirabel, Ph.D. (Folklore)
Curatrix of National Myth, Mistress of Memory, and Archivist of the Slightly Dubious
Personally maintains the Museum of Imagined Ancestors. Often found arguing with historical reenactors.
⚔️ Ministry of War & Conflict
Marshal Lord Tiberius Flint, V.C., D.M.C.
Defender of the Realm, Wielder of the Rubber Saber, General of the Imaginary Army
Leads weekly tabletop strategy meetings. Once reenacted the Siege of Ignorance using chess pawns and gingerbread.
💰 Ministry of Economics & Finance
Sir Reginald Quoinbank the Thriftworthy
Master of Coin, Warden of the National Drawer of Loose Change
Inventor of the “florint,” Eyehasseen’s entirely symbolic currency. Keeps the royal abacus under lock and riddled key.
🕯️ Ministry of Truth
Sister Honoria Fidelis, O.S.L.
Guardian of Verity, Illuminator of the Record, and Keeper of the Sacred Index Cards
Trained in cross-examination, theology, and advanced library shushing. Wears a sash that simply says “Objective.”
🕵️ Ministry of Clandestiny
Agent X. (No surname on record)
Invisible Minister, Whisperer of Shadows, Director of Secrets Known and Yet Unknown
Attends meetings in fog. Leaves cryptic notes pinned under teacups. No one remembers hiring them—but all obey.